So today has been interesting. I went on a walk with my sister and we had a really long conversation about religion. Not really just religion but me trying to explain why I am not active in the Mormon church anymore and I can't shake it. I don't want to justify I don't think that its necessary but I know it is a hard pill to swallow for anyone who I loves me to know that I choose not to go. I just don't see the logic in it anymore. I still see so many little miracles and I am still so close to God and I really to have a love for him and I know he loves me. I still try to find the beauty in everything. BUT right now the Mormon church is not what I want to be part of. Not because I want to "sin" and not because I want equality and I don't like the stand the church takes on it. I don't want to be part of it because it is not something I believe in. I tried so hard for a really long time. I prayed and read my scriptures every night, I went to church and KNEW why I took the sacrament and I kept that in my mind every day during the week. I participated in seminary and I even took 2 classes a trimester. I put my all into it every single day, but it never took. Logic was always in my mind saying, "But science...." Now I know, some people might say that it is the devil putting thoughts in my head but I knew the difference between a bad thought and my own thoughts. Why would school teach us science and our religion say to learn as much as we could when what we learned about science contradicts what we learn in church and then our leaders tell us to ignore THAT part of science? or point out another study that contradicts it but isn't as accepted? It is the basis of all scientific study! Everything builds around it!
Logic tells me one thing while people I love tell me another.
I want you all to know that I love all of you whether part of the church or not. I don't know where I am at. But it is something that I have to figure out myself. I will never come back to the church from guilt or pressure. If I do decide to be active again it will be because I believe it. Not for any other reason. I work so hard to be loving and accepting and I am sorry if it doesn't come across that way all of the time. I will do nothing but love everyone I meet because that is one thing that I will always believe in, the power of love and what it can do to open people to whatever truth is right for them.
This blog isn't meant to be a "statement" It is just is what is on my mind. I really hope everyone that might read this would feel comfortable talking to me about it. I really do. I don't hate the church, its just not right for me right now. I really hope it doesn't make any of you sad. Don't be sad that I am not active. Be happy that I am actively looking for the truth and be happy that I am happy. Because I really REALLY am so happy. :D
Loves Sambamby
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It's alway's good to stand up for what you belive in, it takes great strength. Trust me I know where you're coming from, ( I REALLY DO ).
ReplyDeleteNo one can tell you other wise, and yes science is fact but I have come to belive that God created science to test faith and give explanations to those who need it. We all love you too. : )