I hate automatic bathrooms and here's why.

They they do things automatically! Almost nothing, especially toilets, should do that. I should be able to tell it when and when no to flush. Is our society so disgusting that people do not realize when it is appropriate to flush? I know, I know, with regular flushing public toilets sometimes, people forget their manners and don't flush. And if this has happened to you I know what you have done. I know you just skipped right over that stall and went on to the next one. I also know that if there was anything wrong with the next one you kept looking to find an appropriate stall. If one didn't exist and the best option, beside the lack of flushing, was the unflushed toilet or all were already occupied I know you either waited it out or you got up enough courage to flush said toilet. And, of course, you flushed with a paper towel or thick wad of toilet paper and moved swiftly away as to not witness another persons "stuff" being flushed. Even though this happens and it is very stressful when it does happen, I do not think automatic toilets were the way to go.
Automatic toilets tend to be quite powerful. They splash up as they flush and this is a horrible horrible trait. Those of you who have experienced such injustices can relate. You are innocently sitting there. Your phone rings. You desperately try to silence it. You don't want to make other patrons uncomfortable. The sensor does what it does and a horribly terrifying "whooshing" sound comes from under you and you are left disgusted and uncomfortable. Not only did you just get sprayed by toilet water, which has to be dealt with, but you may not be completely finished but now you feel obligated to get out of the stall. The toilet has essentially "kicked you out". You gather yourself and realize that the toilet will need to be flushed again. You don't want to rise suspicion about your "business" and do a double flush, leaving your co workers wondering if they really want to hang around you anymore but you don't want to be a non flusher so you resolve that manners are more important than vanity and you will do a double flush. After putting yourself right you turn to face the toilet. You feel you are taking to long, desperately you search around the sensor trying to find the manual flush button. You can't find it. That is because it has been smashed down inside the top handle thing. You notice where it should be and pull a bobby pin from your hair. You jam it in the vacancy hoping to hit to allusive button. You think you have gotten it and you stand back. Nothing happens. You lean forward reading a sign on the top handle thing that you missed the first time. "Manual flush has a three second delay" it reads. Only you don't finish reading it in time to step back and the powerful "whooshing" sound goes and you are yet again sprayed with toilet water. Only this time it is in the face. You are astonished. You take a moment to gather yourself; instead of screaming and kicking the toilet you simply lean back and sigh, because you are composed like that. You grab a handful of toilet paper, wipe your face and throw it in the offending toilet. You realize that had the toilet been a friendlier host you would attempt to flush that as well but seeing as it wouldn't be there to begin with had such an event NOT transpired you subconsciously give the toilet the bird and gather your belongings. As you unlock the stall door and begin to open it the toilet "whooshes" again. Sensing the movement of course. This terrifies you and you practically run out of the stall. A woman is waiting for an open stall. She looks at you like you are crazy. You look back and realize that because of the ridiculous power of the automatic toilet the last flush has left specks of toilet water all over the seat. The woman waiting for you cautiously approaches the stall. With good reason of course you have after all flushed a total of three times. You try not to look at her but steal a glance. She glowers at you. She has obviously seen the specks of water and is suspicious it is something else. She hesitates, but bravely walks in after you. You turn to face the automatic sinks. "Crap." You think. All you want to do is wash your hands and get out of there before the woman after you and anyone in the other stalls who has heard what happened in that stall comes out of their stall. And you are sure they want the same thing. You can tell one of them is trying to wait you out because you heard the toilet paper roll and now they are just siting there in silence. You wave your hand under the sink. Nothing. You try again, this time with both hands. Nothing. You begin waving your hands back and forth furiously under the faucet and you get one quick squirt. You think you have picked up the trick and you try again, this time with one hand. A steady stream! You wet your hands and try for soap, again, automatic. Luckily this squirts out on the first try. But you don't feel as if it is enough. You wave again. Even though it worked the first time you get nothing. You try two more times and are successful. You turn back to the sink and wave your hands with the new trick you learned and apparently it wasn't a trick apparently it was luck. You begin "washing" your hands under the facet with out the flow of water. You figure, "This is what I would be doing if there were water so it should work." It does. For about three seconds. You try again. Another three seconds. You repeat until your hands are clean enough. You then go to grab a paper towel. They have two paper towel machines for some reason. One is automatic and the other is one of those manual pulley ones that have the twisty knob on the side. You are fed up with automatic and you would go for the manual pulley one but there isn't any paper sticking out and you just washed your hands and you know that the twisty knob is not as clean as you hands are right now. You opt for the automatic. You wave you hands in front of the sensor. The red light turns on and it spits out an inch of paper. You rip off that inch and wave in front of the sensor again. The red light didn't go out an apparently you have to wait until it goes out until you can have anymore. You wait. It goes out. You wave again. This time you get a whole three inches of paper. Thinking of the woman in the stall you just came from who you are trying to avoid and the woman in the stall next to the stall you just came from who is trying to avoid you, you grab your shreds of paper and use them as a barrier between you and the twisty knob. You get a decent amount of paper. You grab one more piece to open the door with. Feeling quite accomplished and relieved, in more ways than the only way you should, you begin to leave and with the door slightly ajar you look to throw away your paper. No trash cans out side of the bathroom you lean back in holding the door open with your foot you reach around to throw away the paper. Just in time to see and make eye contact with both women who are finally coming out of the stalls. You look down quickly, throw away your paper, and in your haste you grab the door handle with your bare hand! You desperately want to go back in and rewash your now dirty hand but you leave anyway. You can't bring yourself to go back in. Even though it probably isn't that big of a deal your hand suddenly feels disgusting. You don't want to touch anything and you scramble through your purse with your other hand to find some anti bacterial. You dowse your hands in it. As soon as it drys you feel a wave of relief. You walk away from the bathroom as quickly as you can. This time feeling stressed, annoyed and defeated. The bathroom has won.

See, automatic bathrooms are EVIL!!!

This didn't happen to me. At least not all of it and not all at once. Well most of it has happened to me. I feel a desperate need to never look someone in the eyes in a bathroom and to always get through it quickly efficiently and alone. I feel you have a right to as much privacy as it takes to make you feel like you are alone at least. Even if it is a public restroom. Just my opinion. As you can tell I spend a lot of time thinking on this subject. I do work in a large Wal-mart after all and as much as it would rock, there are not employee bathrooms. I also have to pump at least once an eight hour shift in said public bathrooms. So I tend to spend more time than others in these social death traps.

Anywho. This got my mind off of what was keeping me awake. Which was the point of this post. HOORAY!

Goodnight.

Loves! Sambamby.